


Memento Mori

by thattrainssailed



Series: Words Hung Above, But Never Would Form [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Immortal Alec, Immortality, M/M, Shadowunter culture, immortal malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 14:38:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17562341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thattrainssailed/pseuds/thattrainssailed
Summary: It is a well-known fact that Shadowhunters are born to die. It is an inevitability of their birthright - created to hunt demons, to put themselves on the line to keep the world safe from darkness. Their lives are condensed into the first thirty years; fewer, if possible. Old age among the race is viewed with either respect or contempt, depending on traditions; some view it as the result of luck and skill, others as proof of cowardice. After all, they have failed their mission. A long life is not the goal of the Shadowhunter. Instead, they pursue martyrdom. To be killed in the line of battle is the ultimate fulfilment, an eternal commitment to Raziel and the heavenly task. This lesson is taught early and repeated frequently. For many young Shadowhunters, it is one of the first things they learn, repeating Latin with childish stumblings before they can even lift a weapon.Memento mori.Remember you will die.





	Memento Mori

It is a well-known fact that Shadowhunters are born to die. It is an inevitability of their birthright - created to hunt demons, to put themselves on the line to keep the world safe from darkness. Their lives are condensed into the first thirty years; fewer, if possible. Old age among the race is viewed with either respect or contempt, depending on traditions; some view it as the result of luck and skill, others as proof of cowardice. After all, they have failed their mission. A long life is not the goal of the Shadowhunter. Instead, they pursue martyrdom. To be killed in the line of battle is the ultimate fulfilment, an eternal commitment to Raziel and the heavenly task. This lesson is taught early and repeated frequently. For many young Shadowhunters, it is one of the first things they learn, repeating Latin with childish stumblings before they can even lift a weapon.

_ Memento mori _ .

Remember you will die.

Alec learned the phrase at the same age as every other Nephilim child. It guided him through his early childhood, through his education, to his first training. A pact with those around him. When he left sparring sessions with bruises and blood smears, he reminded himself of the fact. This was the rest of his life, for however long it lasted. He was born to die.

He isn’t sure when it became comforting. Maturing into an adult, receiving his runes and participating in real missions, the spectre at his shoulder never left, but he was not afraid of it. He was different, he knew, isolated in plain sight, and the reminder of death was comforting, familiar. For all his difference, his defects, his parents’ knowing disappointment, there was still hope for sacrifice and martyrdom. His life might not have made his people proud, but there was still possibility for celebration in death. When the shame weighed him down, left him shaking and sick, he reminded himself. Memento mori.

It was tantalisingly close sometimes.

Of course, Alec has grown up to defy his culture’s plans for a life.

It began with the technicalities. The refusal of conformity at that latest possible moment, seconds before resignation to misery. His rebellion started with the sound of a door slamming. From there is only grew: taking control of the Institute at his young age, pushing back against the Clave at every turn, the Downworlder cabinet meetings that revolutionised the way the Shadow World existed in New York. And alongside this timeline of insubordination, there was Magnus. Fearsome and powerful, beautiful and charming, sharp and confident. The man who moved like an enchantment, who tasted like whiskey and lightning, who could reach out and pluck the stars from the sky but restrained himself out of mercy for the universe. He perched on top of the world and pulled Alec up with him until they surveyed their conquest together, above the rest of the world, free from its strangle.

Together, they came to a decision, and plunged into one last act of defiance.

It had not been easy. Years of research had left them more frustrated and anxious than hopeful. There was no one practice for this sort of thing, after all. The subject itself reminded them of their ticking clock - though time was not yet an enemy, the frailty of a mortal body was a danger, and Alec was injured enough times for Magnus to call in a quiet panic when his husband was kept at the Institute late. But at last, they found it. Some serendipitous composition of potions, spells, and, Magnus claimed, the sheer will of Alec’s stubbornness. The discovery knocked him out for a few days, but when he awoke, he knew immediately that their efforts had succeeded.

Now, years on, Alec thinks of that lesson, the phrase repeated to him the moment he could grasp language. Memento mori. A promise to him that he has broken from his side. He does not walk passively towards inevitability; he strides past it with his head held high. The immortality does not come without its pain. He has, and will continue to, watched people die, become the bearer of their memory. His own rejection of death does not erase the phenomenon. But as it lurks, it can only watch Alec, not draw near. He is not its for the taking, has not been since he opened his eyes after the enchantment. The immortality is not a catch all: all creatures have some weakness, and he himself has seen immortals perish. It is not a burden, though, not a relief to hurtle towards, aching for relief. Now, the relief is life. He stands alongside his husband and dedicates an endless lifetime of love to him. He kisses Magnus, and the taste of whiskey and lightning is like a promise. An inevitability of forever.

Alec remembers he must live.

**Author's Note:**

> My brain vomited the first half of this out but refused to let me figure out the second half which is why the quality is... questionable.
> 
> More trash available on [tumblr](https://thattrainssailed.tumblr.com/).


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